Memories
by Barbara Bloom
Summary: This is my first fanfic, I hope, you will like it :)


Memories  
  
He could not think, he could not speak, he could not even cry ... There was only one memory in his head ... It was like a shadow. Things that happened could not change anymore. Remus´ world was destroyed... Sirius... He was... His only love, his true love... Paddy was dead.That was everything what was going through Moony´s mind.  
  
It happened a week before, but Remus could not think about anything else. Sitting in his armchair, playing with his fingers like mad and watching into one indefinite point. It was not the old Moony anymore. The death of his lover has changed the man in a few seconds. A strong happy man, full of jokes and laugh became a slag. Being in the room of Sirius all the time, all dressed up in black...  
  
He stood up. Slowly walking through the dark room. Black... even the colour made him think about the big dog he was playing with so many times. Yes...Sirius was the cutest dog he had ever seen...now gone. A look onto the desk and a heartbreaking sigh after opening one of the sockets. It was the table where Paddy was working the whole night once and fell asleep...he was so cute when Remus found him... Moony took a small blue covered book into his shivering hands. It was Sirius´ diary... so trim... so pretty... so... so....  
  
He wanted to open the diary so many times during the week, but he was not able to hold on tears everytime he was looking at Sirius´ neat handwriting. Back in the soft armchair in that they were so many times kissng, where he felt so safely, now felt like sitting on nails. Very carefully, he opened the diary... no...*I CAN´T DO IT*... desperation...after quickly closing the blue book, two huge tears fell onto the cover. Moony hid his pale face in the shivering hands and tryed to stay calm, but he could not... He cryed very long... so long that he fell asleep...  
  
It is night now... a few minutes after midnight. Remus woke up an hour ago. Now, with his big grey eyes wide opend, dry, but still red, he opens the diary on the first page. A soft smile plays with his lips when he sees four signatures on the first page... Prongs, Wormtale, Padfood and Moony, friends for ever...Moony...yes, that is, how James, Sirius and Peter called him...but it is not true anymore, James dead, Peter a murderer and Sirius...oh... Something on the page makes him wonder. His name. It is surrounded by a big red heart. His eyes are eftsoon wet. After reading a few pages, he has to smile... the terrible things the four boys did to their schoolmates... then, he has to cry... Remus finds out, that Sirius loved him very long and he did not noticed...oh, when he would...they would be together much longer... and that only because he, Moony, doing all the stupid jokes to professors, was too shy... now, he can not believe it...  
  
Yes... there is it... he remembers the date very well... the 17th October 1982... yes, the day, Remus and Sirius had kissed for the first time, the happiest day in their lifes. Moony could not believe that Paddy wrote all the details... what was Remus wearing, how did he smell and also what Sirius felt...  
  
Moony can not read anymore and he must do a break. After getting a glass milk, without drinking it, he opens the diary again... Everything...it is unbelievable, but everything they did together all the long 18 years was written there... Another beautiful memory... 12th January 1983, they quarreled for the first time... It was really sorrowfull and at the same time so charismatic... it was so depressive for him once, but now, he has to smile through tears... It was so childish... and only because Moony was jealous on Narcisa, Padfoot´s older cousin. That time, Remus bursted in.There is a strange grinn on Moony´s face again. That night, they were both sorry, they talked for hours in Paddy´s bed and fell asleep. More of the dates bring Remus to laugh and to cry at once... because the memories are so beautyful and also really sad, because he can not share them with Sirius anymore.  
  
It takes long hours of reading, till Moony finishes the small blue book. He reads some pasages once, some twice and some three times... At once he closes the book... His week knees moove and he stands up, slowly goes to the desk and opens the socket... Remus kisses the blue cover, puts the book back into the socket again, grinns sad and madly at once. He says: *Do not worry, Sirius, we will be together again !* and slowly goes towards the balcony door in Sirius´ room... 


End file.
